THE REALITY OF ARRANGED MARRIAGES
Arranged marriages may sound funny and strange in the west as it is very uncommon.But arranged marriages tend to exist even today in Japan,China,India,in Jewish culture and many other parts of the world.Another well known fact is that arranged marriages is slowly becoming a thing of the past.Like any other thing of the world arranged marriages also has advantages and disadvantages with pros exceeding the cons.
Arranged marriages are of 4 types:
1 .Forced marriage
2. Traditional arranged marriage
3. Modern arranged marriage
4. Modern love cum arranged marriage.
Forced marriage is the thing of the past and exists in very rare cases. The bride or groom has no say in this marriage. In traditional arranged marriages the parents respect the views of prospective bride and groom.It is not forced.In Modern arranged marriages the prospective bride and groom has a greater say in the opinion of marriage.The happiness of the child will be the main focus in this case.In modern love cum arranged marriage the parents will arrange the marriage of their child with the person they love and know each other for long.
THE REALITY OF ARRANGED MARRIAGE:
1. Lower divorce rates:Yes!Arranged marriages has very low divorce rates from 0-5% when compared to western marriages where divorce rate is close to 50%.
2. Arranged marriages has higher probability of success as marriage will be based on religion ,caste,education,status and also looks.So chances of incompatibility later in marriage is very less.
3. The decision of marriage involves parents who has experience and will be more wiser to choose a compatible life partner for their children based on their character.This usually avoids the chances of choosing own self partner based on mere infatuation.
4. Parents and relatives will be involved in the marriage.So any disagreement can be sorted out with the help of relatives.Another emotional factor is also involved and that is respecting the parents choice who sacrificed a lot of hard work to bring up the child.So any small disagreements will be sorted out by couples without getting others involved.
5. Understanding comes first and then occurs love which is the other way round in love marriages.In countries like India even in love cum arranged marriages,divorce rates are very low.
6. Couples rarely know what to really expect out of marriage.So the expectations will be low.In love marriages,couples enter the wedlock with high expectations.In most cases ,divorces occurs when life turns out to be far from the “picture of expectations”.
ARRANGED MARRIAGES APART FROM FORCED MARRIAGES OFTEN HAS SOME PROBLEMS TOO
1. Marrying a close relative causes medical problems to be developed in their children due to arising of defective dominant gene.
2. Horoscope marriage where marriages have to be delayed often for long time to find a compatible time based on astrology.
3. The wealthy try to find alliance with another wealthy person and the rich and poor gap in the society widens.
But one can’t conclude that because arranged marriages have lower divorce rates they are necessarily happier. Correlation does not imply causation. Just because cultures with arranged marriages have lower divorce rates, you cannot conclude that arranged marriages are necessarily better than non-arranged marriages. There are too many other social and cultural factors to consider.
The biggest one is that in many cultures where arranged marriages are the norm, divorce is taboo. Also, women typically do not have the same social, legal, or financial standing as men and often cannot become financially independent and support themselves and their children. Often, a divorced woman is often not accepted back into her parents’ or siblings’ homes, and many times she has no way to earn enough money to support herself. So…the decision is “live with this person I really don’t like or be homeless and destitute”. Also, men who divorce can be seen as big.
Embarassments and disgraces to their families:
In an Arranged marriage, both the man and the woman are predisposed to the idea that they will have to adjust. Both sides know that the person they are marrying might not be the one of their dreams, since they don’t even know that person very well. And arranged marriage today is not like the arranged marriage of 1950, where you met each other the first time at the time of “girl-seeing” and the second time at the wedding. Maybe not even at the time of “girl-seeing”.
Today, you meet each other, spend some time together alone, maybe even go out on a couple of ‘dates’, and then decide. And all the stuff about who will cook, whether the woman works, where they will live, are cleared in a much more informal setting, which means that disagreements on these are not even likely. By the time you tie the knot, you are comfortable with each other, so the old fears of arranged marriage being between two people who don’t even know each other are no longer completely valid. Plus, since the expectations are low, and the willingness to adjust to the new person in your life is already there, the chances of success will be higher too.
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